How do you share a calendar with your ex without sharing everything?

Only what both homes need to know to look after the children:

• whose home the children are in each night, and handover times and places
• school term dates, INSET days, trips and parents' evenings
• clubs, lessons and fixtures, with who is taking them
• medical, dental and other appointments
• holidays, birthdays and special occasions agreed between you (see planning Christmas between two homes)

If an entry does not change what the other parent needs to do, or where the children are, it probably does not belong there.

Your own diary is yours. That includes work, dates, friends, family visits that do not involve the children, and anything about money or the separation itself. Cafcass suggests keeping discussions about your child separate from other issues, such as the family home or money. A calendar works the same way: children's plans in one place, everything else elsewhere.

Sharing a full personal calendar gives the other parent far more than they need, and it can quietly become a source of questions and friction. Who was that? Why were you out on Tuesday? A children-only calendar answers the practical question, where are the children and what is happening, without opening the rest of your life.

Agree the rules once, in writing, so neither of you has to guess:

1. What counts as a shared entry (the list above is a good start).
2. Who adds what. For example, each parent adds the events they arrange.
3. How much notice a change needs, and how you will tell each other.
4. Where handovers happen and at what time.
5. How you handle the school holidays, Christmas and birthdays.

Cafcass's online tool, Our Child's Plan (formerly the Parenting Plan), helps parents agree arrangements like these, including communication, holidays, activities and travel between homes. It is a good place to write the rules down.

To see the nights each home has, try the free co-parenting schedule planner or the custody time calculator.

Haevn gives two homes one shared calendar for the children, while each household's own events stay private. Only events marked as shared cross between the two homes. Private calendar entries, personal lists and private expenses stay with the person who made them.

Alongside the calendar, Haevn has:

• a custody handover log
• shared expenses, split however you agree
• messages that cannot be edited or deleted, with a tone check before a message is sent
• a verified export of your records
• Child View, a read-only calendar for the children, with no access to parents' messages or finances

One subscription covers both parents. You can add events to Google or Outlook in one click. Two-way sync is coming soon. Quiet Hours is also coming soon.

Haevn is £6.99 a month or £69.99 a year, with 14 days free, no card needed.

More on Haevn for co-parenting, or see UK co-parenting apps compared.

A calendar app cannot settle a disagreement. If you can't agree arrangements, GOV.UK's guide to making child arrangements explains your options, including mediation. Cafcass has guidance and resources for separated parents.