Christmas presents between two homes: who buys what

Two homes often means two shopping lists, two sets of grandparents and two ideas of what the children asked for. Without a shared list, the same present gets bought twice, or a big present arrives with no warning. Most of the friction comes from not knowing, not from the presents themselves.

• Start one list for each child, early in November if you can
• Add what the children have asked for, plus sizes and anything they already have
• Put a name next to each item as soon as someone decides to buy it
• Mark the bigger presents you want to buy together
• Share the list with grandparents and other relatives who ask what to get
• Tick items off once they are bought, so nobody doubles up

Talk about the big presents first, before either of you buys anything. Agree whether they come from both of you, from one home, or from Father Christmas, so the children hear the same story in both homes. Write down what you agreed, so nobody has to remember it later.

Agree the split before buying. Some parents split shared presents equally, others split them in another way that suits both homes. Whoever pays logs the cost, the other parent sees it, and the agreed share is settled afterwards. Keeping receipts in one place helps if a present needs returning.

Relatives often ask one parent what to buy. Pointing everyone to the same list means grandparents on both sides can see what is already covered. It also helps children who move between homes over Christmas, so presents end up where they will be used.

In Haevn's Co-Parenting space:

• Shared expenses with any split, so a shared present is logged once and both parents see their share
• Messages that cannot be edited or deleted, so what you agreed stays on record
• A shared calendar for two homes, so you can see which home the children are in on Christmas Day and when presents will be opened
• One subscription covers both parents

Haevn's Lists can hold the present list in your own home, and everyone in your household can add to it.

Planning the days themselves? See our Christmas co-parenting schedule guide and the free co-parenting schedule planner. To check nights across the holidays, use the custody time calculator. See also how Haevn works for co-parents and how UK co-parenting apps compare.

If you are agreeing Christmas arrangements more widely, GOV.UK's guide to making child arrangements explains the options, including family mediation. Cafcass's Our Child's Plan is an online tool that helps parents write down what they agree.